All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
