dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
