i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
