brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
