I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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