good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
