you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize