That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
