I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
