I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
