Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
