Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
