why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
