there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
