You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I love having hate sex.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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