if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
