Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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