Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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