I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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