She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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