I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
