i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
