I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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