It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
