Me too!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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