You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
