im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
