Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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