dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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