Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
