ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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