i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
