Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
