bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
