Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
