Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
