my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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