I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
