I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
