think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize