im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
