just tell him i said nine months
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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