It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
