I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
