just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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