Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
