will power is for people who don't want to get laid
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I need to calm my uterus...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
