Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
