I think my fart just growled at me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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