i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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