I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
