He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
