I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
