how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
