Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just want to make out with him forever
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
