You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
