I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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