First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
