What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
