you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
