I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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