I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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