More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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