mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
