ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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